Eliminating Expectations

Google dictionary tells us that expectations are “a strong belief that something will happen or be the case in the future.”  They are stories that we tell ourselves because we want things to go certain way.

Expectations and our ideas around situations and how they are supposed to go can stem from various places.  Many times they stem from past experiences, whether it is a family function or that you are going to see the second part of a movie. They could be from what we have taken in from society – as a mother and women you are expected to look like x,y and z so you are constantly trying to live up to those expectations regardless of what you really believe.  They could also be from how you were raised and what your parents told you was right and wrong, and how things should be done.

The problem with expectations in the majority of our life is that they just aren’t practical, realistic or helpful. There are few situations where these expectations play a positive role in our lives.

“When you stop expecting people to be perfect, you can like them for who they are.”

Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years: What I Learned While Editing My Life

With expectations there are these stories of these perfect idealistic situations where we expect things to go certain way. We have this perfect vision of how things are going to go and unfortunately a lot of time things don’t go exactly like we had planned. Why?

Because life happens. We get too caught up in the feelings and emotions associated with the expectations. We have expectations for certain things because they happened that way in the past, why wouldn’t they work the same way now? We forget to take into account that we aren’t the same people as the last time this happened.  We try to be the super mom that Sally next door is because if she can do it I can do it right? But we aren’t the same person with the same values, beliefs or situations as Sally. Expecting the same outcome isn’t going to work because we aren’t the same people. Our lives are continually changing and we are continually growing.

Getting rid of our expectations is about becoming more self-aware, changing our mindset and bringing more happiness and gratitude into our lives.

The chances of everything going exactly as you had mapped out in your head is so unlikely that we are going to be left with feelings of disappointment, frustration, failure and possibly anger. We start to focus on the items that went wrong and forget to see all the things that have gone perfectly.  Expectations are very attached to our emotions – usually negative emotions so ridding ourselves of these perfect stories will allow us to make more room for the positive.

It is important to understand this about expectations, and to know that when we dig deep and figure out what is really important to us, when we understand our true beliefs and values, we realize that we no longer have to live up to these expectations. We can stop playing the comparison game.  We can start feeling more confident in ourselves, our abilities and our situations.

“If you spent your life concentrating on what everyone else thought of you, would you forget who you really were? What if the face you showed the world turned out to be a mask… with nothing beneath it?”

Jodi Picoult, Nineteen Minutes

I love getting together with my extended family and taking time to socialize and catch up with everyone. This didn’t used to be an issue but now with a little person (my daughter is almost 2) around I often found myself tired and disappointed by the end of the day as I barely got to talk to anyone.  It has taken me some time for it to really sink in that I need to drop my expectations around these days. I spend most of the day chasing around my small child, ensuring she is fed, changed and keeping out of trouble (especially in someone else’s house) There is just no way that I possibly have time to go around and talk to everyone. I’ve learned now to throw those expectations out the door and focus on the time with my kid, and enjoy the food that I didn’t likely have to cook. Any socializing I get done is an added bonus and I have come to really appreciate that time. Instead of leaving the party feeling disappointed, frustrated and let down. I now leave with feelings of satisfaction, gratitude and happiness because although it wasn’t how it used to be, the fact is that I got to attend and I did spend time with some of the people I wanted to, plus my belly is probably full!

Getting rid of expectations doesn’t mean that you are giving up, losing motivation, aren’t good enough or whatever other stories are in your head.  It simply means that you have come to acceptance, you are learning to get to know yourself better and live your life more true to who you are and not what others dictate.

It means you are getting rid of the negative emotions and feelings that so often are associated with expectations and are making more room for positivity.  You are expressing more gratitude for the things that ARE happening and working out. You are living a happier life and are likely more fulfilled because of it.

So next time you are feeling frustrated or disappointed in something, take a step back and ask yourself why? Did you see this going another way and now it hasn’t? Why was that important to you? Are you able to change it for next time? Is the thing you were expecting something that aligns with you, your beliefs and your values? What good happened in this situation?

“You are your own worst enemy. If you can learn to stop expecting impossible perfection, in yourself and others, you may find the happiness that has always eluded you.”

Lisa Kleypas, Love in the Afternoon

 

 

 

 

Katie Kahvo is a wife, mother, sister, business owner, holistic nutritionist and life simplifier! She is passionate about talking with women, showing them how to live the life they are dreaming of through simplifying their lives and introducing easy ways to nourish their bodies through good food and self care. Come join her community over at katiekahvo.com/BOTrack

 

 

How to Develop a Growth Mindset Today

Have you ever found yourself stuck in a rut feeling that you don’t have the ability to accomplish goals, dreams or desires?  Maybe you are stuck in a dead-end job without a side hustle or even without any extra-curricular activities or friends that you can socialize with after work?

Before I offer a solution let’s take a little look and delve into the topic of mindset.  What is mindset? What is a growth mindset?

Mindset Definition

Rather than re-inventing the wheel or at the risk of me being biased and coming up with my own definition here is one from an external source.

According to the Cambridge dictionary it is “a person’s way of thinking and their opinions”.

Let’s look at a secondary source for a definition from the ever-popular Wikipedia, “a set of assumptions, methods or notations held by one or more people or groups of people.  A mindset can also be seen as incident of a person’s world view or philosophy of life”.

These two different sources agree more or less that mindset is based on the way someone thinks of themselves, their situation and the world at large.

Why do you suppose that this is important?  In order words, a person’s mindset is the way they perceive their life to be at that present moment.  I will let that sink in for a second.

Am I then saying that mindset is all based on perception?  Let me add a bit of humor into this topic for just a little bit.  The Cambridge dictionary used the word opinions which I love because it adds some reality to the picture a bit, at least for me.

Let’s bring this definition to life for a bit.  Here we have Mr. Jones (don’t you love the Jones’s?) and his family who works at a good job in investment banking, living in an upscale neighborhood where his three kids attend Ivy League schools.

Now, let me ask you a question where on earth did that opinion of Mr. Jones come from?  As humans, we develop an understanding and opinion of this world based on our perception which comes from our mindset.

I have underlined three things in the previous paragraph which I want you in your mind to remove from the paragraph and read it again to see if it makes a difference in your mind or even better in your mindset or perception of Mr. Jones.

Isn’t that so fun?  We get to decide if we can perceive Mr. Jones as special or as normal as we want him to be based on our mindset.

Let’s leave the mindset definition for now and move on to looking at the types of mindset that exists.

Mindset Types

According Dan Western at the Wealthy Gorilla there are currently 15 different mindsets that exist.  I bet that sounds like a lot but these are:

  1. Social
  2. Growth
  3. Fear
  4. Lazy
  5. Envy
  6. Business
  7. Dreamer
  8. Follower
  9. Greed
  10. Gratitude
  11. Confident
  12. Creative
  13. Short-term
  14. Angry
  15. Productive

Wow! What a list.  Take a look at them all for a few seconds do you think that you have one specific mindset type or maybe you have more than one?  I believe that I have a productive mindset as I am always hungry to complete tasks.

Every single day I wake up with a list of things that I need to complete and each night as I lay in bed before I fall asleep I go through in my head all the things that I manage to complete that day and I offer gratitude for accomplishing those tasks.

I also go through in my head a list of things I need to do the next day in order to accomplish my long-term goal then I fall asleep.

We will not be covering all of these in today’s post we are going to narrow our focus and look at one specific one which is the growth mindset.

Growth Mindset – Definition

What on earth is a growth mindset I hear you ask?  Well, no need to re-invent the wheel let’s pull a definition from an external source.

The term was first coined by Dr. Carol Dweck and her team after conducting 30 years of research and it was compared against an opposite term which is fixed mindset.

A belief that success is based on hard work, learning, training and doggedness (persistent in effort) are said to have a growth or an incremental theory of intelligence.

A belief that success is based on innate (existing from birth) ability are said to have a fixed mindset.

So according to the definition a growth mindset is one where you believe that you can achieve something, a goal or a dream through hard work, training and learning.

Now that you know what a growth mindset is then let’s have a look at Mr. Jones again just for a few seconds.  Does he have or is he accomplishing things that you wish you could do?

Do you think he developed a growth mindset to achieve ‘success’ or was he just born lucky?

Let’s keep moving because we don’t want to be in a negative or envious place we are here to develop a growth mindset.

What is your Why?

In many of my blogs and podcasts I look at the idea of success.  Of course, what success looks like for me will not be what success looks like for you.  Success means different things for so many different people.

I am going to throw the ball in your court.  I want you to catch that ball and take some time to think what does success look like for you?  Get a piece of paper and a pen and write down what success looks like for you.

You don’t need to do a vision board right now but just about 10 things in different aspects of your life that you believe is a way that you know that you have achieved success.

It could be physical, mental, material, emotional, spiritual, financial and social aspects of your life.

When you have achieved success, you will have……

Once you complete that aspect then we can look at why.  I don’t want to leave you confused in anyway so let me explain in a little bit of detail.

If for example you wrote down this; “when I achieve physical success I would be my ideal weight of 110lbs because it means that I will be healthy and happy as I will not have the high cost of medication and I will be able to look good in the clothes I love and I would not be uncomfortable when I go out in public as I will be proud of my body”.

Maybe you wrote down something about finances like this; “when I achieve financial success I will have all my bills paid on time, I will be able to provide financially for me and my family without having to worry about the next pay check as I will have an unlimited supply of multiple streams of passive income and I will be able to offer assistance to those less fortunate than myself either financially or by mentoring. I will not find myself in financially uncomfortable situations as I will have a great attitude towards money and great saving habits.”

If your success in all areas of your life looks similar then let’s look at the why a little deeper. As you can see for each statement I have included a why.

The reason you need to find your why is that the only thing that will help you develop a growth mindset is your why.

I do what I do because I want to provide a future for me, my family and my love ones.  I often find myself in a situation wishing I had more time to mentor someone out of a fixed mindset to a growth mindset but I need to have more resources that will give me the time to do that kind of giving back.

What is your purpose?

This topic is super important.  Do you know your purpose here on this earth?  I am not going to get religious on you so no need to worry.  I am a firm believer in finding your purpose.

We are all given talents, learn skills and go through experiences because we are here for a purpose to innovate or create something that would make life easier for many people.

I know it is very difficult.  It is difficult for me too.  The way I went about finding mine which by the way is not 100% complete yet because I am on that journey which a started about 10 years ago.  It can take that long so don’t be afraid to just start.

Let’s do a little exercise.  Get out another piece of paper and a pen and write down all your talents, then write down your skills and education and finally those things you have experience doing.

One of the women in my network has this free resource to discover your purpose. No need to enter your name and email address just download it and off you go.

I must warn you that you need to be doing this in a private place on your own where it is quiet and there isn’t a single distraction.

You need to develop a growth mindset around your purpose because you need to be aligned so clearly with your purpose as it would be easier for you to attain the success that you seek.

Map out your Path

One of the best ways to become successful after you have discovered your purpose is to map out your path to achieving that success.  It may take you 3, 5, 10 or even 30 years but the most important thing is to try very hard to map out that path.

Imagine for a second that you don’t know your purpose and you decide to map out a path that is not for you how difficult it would be to achieve success?

The best free tool I use for mapping out anything be it a website, a show, a training course or even a blog post I use X Mind.  You can just download it on your computer and start mapping.

Here is a quick example of what you can do when you start mapping out your path to success.  In the middle, I have written the stuff that I love to do.  I love technology, public speaking and mentoring.

Growth Mindset

I then take those core items and break them down into things that I enjoy doing or/and I have experience doing them.

Once you have yours completed has yourself the honest question.  Do I think that I can generate an income from doing these things regularly and consistently?  If the answer is yes then you may be on to something.

Growth Mindset – Action Time

 

We are nearly finished so woohoo!  It is time for you to take action for you to achieve that success.  What training and learning do you need to do in order to get on the road to success?  Maybe you need to invest in yourself or your business to achieve those goals.

I am not asking you to get into debt but to develop an investment strategy over time that will see you learning and growing.

One of the women in my network, her name is Kristen and she has a lovely visual on the affirmations around a growth mindset.

I think you would love it!  Here is a summary of what she did:

  1. With effort and determination, I can succeed
  2. My potential is limitless
  3. I can learn more from failure than I do from success
  4. I view challenges as opportunities for growth

Personally, I am always open to learning more than I currently know.  Straight after I learn I then go off and implement what I learned.  If I don’t implement then my learning was in vain.

I had a lot of fun hanging out with you today so I hope you had fun too and I sincerely hope that you found this blog post valuable.

You can listen to the success stories of other women in my network here.

Feel free to subscribe to my podcast, visit my blog or work with me one on one maybe there is something that I can help you with in terms of taking action so that you can develop your growth mindset and achieve success.

Do You Really Even Want Help?

So I don’t always write, but when I do I linger over every word, every thought until its clear in my mind and in my spirit. It usually begins with some incident with my kids or my husband. A seemingly normal conversation or every day activity turns into God using it as a teachable moment.

This time… this moment… it was shopping.

Oh how I HATE… no… LOATHE shopping!

But I also have a daughter. She thrives off of this… It results in character training every time I have to go into a store… Every. Single. Time.

want Jesus

This time though we were there for my husband who needed some shirts for a part time job he had.

For probably two years I have been on the hunt for a purse… not just A purse but the perfect, ideal one. You know when you build an idea in your head and then set out to find the thing you have in your head?

Every time I do this thing called shopping, I browse the purses. I’m looking for this crazy, yet perfect idea of a purse I’ve built in my head.

See it has to be small because I’m so glad I am out of the needing to carry a suitcase to hold all the items for the kids.

It also has to be big enough to hold my keys, wallet and cell phone.

But wait… that’s not all folks! It must look like its made with quality materials,

BUT i do not want to pay quality prices.

This time my daughter was with me and I am browsing the purses for this perfect purse. In frustration… walking away once again from these purses… Ella looks up at me and says “Mom, do you really even want a purse?!?”

It hit me… HARD…

In the midst of purses… in an area I do not like…

The Holy Spirit whispered…

Do you really even want what God has for you?

I know this may seem far fetched but hang with me.

God tells us we can have love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and SELF CONTROL of all things!

want Jesus

But… do we really even want it?

I mean sometimes we act like those things just happen. Like we just wake up one day and we have these amazing things because “I believe Jesus is real.” I think the struggle lies in the work. We sometimes think its this magical thing that happens, and it is supernatural… but do we really want to do the work?

Do we want to read our Bible every day? Do we want to truly STOP what we are doing and pray? Do we want to serve “the least of these?”

Do we really even want a relationship with Jesus or do we just want all the stuff… Or this idea of getting all these things He can give?

want Jesus

Do you really even want Jesus? He isn’t in the habit of hiding His will. Why would one think that he would be willing to share more of Himself and His plan if we are not willing to do the rudimentary things to get to know His character… to get to know HIM!

Do you really even want Jesus?

Free Core Values Checklist
Email Address

Core Values: Motivated or Irritated

Discovering your core values can motivate you! But, knowing what irritates you can lead to discovering those core values!
 
My youngest is five years old. The classic boy, rough and tumble. I have caught him on many occasions wearing a helmet and running into the side of our house.
 
When asked “WHY?!?” he responds with: “WHY NOT?”
 
I’m often amazed at his ability to be our only child out of three that has not broken a bone (keeping our fingers crossed). He is also a fighter. I’ve seen his anger come on fast, then leave.
He also is energetic, funny and the biggest mommy’s boy you’ll ever meet. He attached himself to me for the first two years of his life. He would still be if dad didn’t offer the sense of adventure that only a dad can do.
 
I tell this story not to talk about my children but to illustrate something. Our core values can begin to develop at a young age. They may begin to emerge in two ways we will discuss further here.
 
It is no different than ourselves! We can take many avenues to discover our core values. But today I want to share two ways you can identify your core values. This can allow you to move forward in life IF you do the work.
core values

What motivates you identifies your core values:

The first way we can begin to see our core values emerge is through things that motivate us!
 
What motivates you?
 
Money?
 
Family?
 
Position in a business?
 
Being a good mom?
 
Being on time?
 
Some of these things can be at the heart of our core values.
 
For myself I can feel accomplished if I can get up on time, get the kids ready and out the door on time and then get to school on time. Being on time can motivate me!
 
For my youngest son, he will risk an injury for an adventure. (Refer to helmet/wall story!) Adventure for him is at the heart of what he chooses to do.
 
Think of how freeing this is for him, and for you! I’m not saying ram your head into a wall for adventure, but I am asking what motivates you? 
 
What motivated you when you were a child? What was worth it to you to get that satisfaction? What motivates us can help to identify our core values.

What irritates you identifies your core values:

This may be a little easier to define. We all know those pet peeves, the ones that can insert themselves into our day and disrupt it!
 
If I am late, I’m annoyed. If I am running behind, I am more irritated with my kids and more testy.
 
Now that I’ve identified efficiency as a core value, I work hard to be aware of the time needed for tasks. This gives me freedom to chat joyfully with my kids on the way to school. It allows frustration to dissipate and irritation to be at a minimum.
 
I’m not saying there are not days I’m late. I am saying being aware that this is a core value of mine, gives me freedom to make choices in line with this.
 
My youngest son is often irritated when his sister wants to lounge on the side of the pool and not take part in continual cannon balls into the deep end.
 
You can read about our trip to the Bahamas and see some of the footage of our youngest in his element here. When the time was up he became irritated because the adventure ended.
 
He had a blast while we were there though!
core values

We can identify our core values based on those two things.

What motivates you?

What irritates you?

Ask yourself those questions? After you do, download my FREE core values checklist. It can be the start to more motivation in your life. It also can be the freeing thing you need to slow down a bit!

List something that motivates or irritates you? I’d love to hear from you!

Core Values Checklist
Email Address

motivated

Core Values: Their Purpose

Your core values allow you to see that you are made on purpose for a purpose. For so long I desired to be good at something. I longed for a chance to feel like I had a purpose.
 
Don’t get me wrong, I had three children and to be honest, a pretty good marriage. Those things gave satisfaction in their rightful ways. But ya’ll, motherhood can be lonely and husbands aren’t meant to meet your every single need.
 
I would look around and see women who could speak with passion about their life. They could stand in front of a crowd and you could see the glow. You could talk to them and within minutes you KNEW they were doing something of value and with purpose.
 
I do discount this to luck or think that these women “have it all together.” I know their lives had problems and obstacles like my own. But you know the women to whom I’m referring. The women who are working in their strengths and talents and abilities.
core values

Creating Purpose in our Core Values

I don’t know about you, but when I see a woman doing what is undeniably their strength and purpose, it creates a craving.

A craving to know I was good at something…
 
A yearning for purpose
 
A desire to gain some confidence back…
 
And a longing to make an impact…
 
I begged God to allow me to help one person. I don’t need an empire to make a difference, but to know that using my own gifts could help someone was my desire.
 
You see, when we experience creative moments, and creative glimpses into our soul… it connects us to a creator.
 
A Creator that is so creative should not catch us off guard. Not one soul is the same. Every woman’s purpose is unique.
 
In this search, I have gained a view of the world like never before! Its given me not only purpose but confidence. Being made on purpose for a purpose has taken away the loneliness that motherhood brought.
 
Being made on purpose for a purpose took away the mundane feeling of day to day living.
Being made on purpose for a purpose has me no longer searching for impact. I know I’m already doing that… through my blog, through the other women in my community and still through my family.

My Core Values Research

In my search for more impact, I thought I would interview women of all ages and races. These women had one thing in common. You want to know what it was?
 
They were pursuing their purpose. They were working in their gifts and strengths. You know what else? They were glowing. The smiles radiated. When asked what they did that gave them energy, they could talk for days about it!
 
The next few weeks I will be sharing some of the things I’ve concluded in my research of women working in their strengths and gifts. But I want you to know one thing, they ALL could quickly list their core values. What it was that grounded and motivated them!
 
So for you… why wait? Let’s get started today to uncover your core values.
Is there a feeling of restlessness stirring in your soul?
 
Is there a desire to create opportunities to say “no” to things that don’t align with your values?
 
If so, then you can create more opportunities to say “yes.”
 
You can sign up for our free core values checklist here! Don’t wait!

If you ARE a woman who has discovered her core values, I’d love to hear from you as well. We all need each other to encourage and spur us on! Leave a comment below.

Core Values Purpose

Why Sustainable Development Jobs Are So Vital

sustainable development jobs

Einstein once said, “No problem can be solved with the same kind of thinking.” This is so relevant and true to any problem we face. Are you wanting to be a better citizen? Then you have to change your thinking on what a good citizen does and is. Do you want to be a better parent? You’re going to have to get tips and tricks to change your thinking to become a better parent! So, in order to become a better traveler, a more conscience and responsible traveler, we need to change our thinking. If you would love to participate in helping create sustainable development jobs, let’s change our thinking!

sustainable development jobs

We live in an adorable subdivision located in Florida. It has the typical sidewalks, the streetlamps, the neighbors who wave to each other when you’re on a walk. Compared to most of the world, this is perfection. Behind our little piece of perfection is a road where people like to rip and roar and cause all kinds of chaos. Our oldest son was in a learning and changing his thinking stage of his life. He was learning how the government works for the people and he was learning the processes involved in making things change.

Our oldest took it upon himself to write his congressman and senator and ask them to set a curfew on that road! Our kid had all hope that he could go to bed at a decent hour without disruption. This type of change is what I want to pursue. Maybe not actually changing a curfew, but teaching people HOW to be the change. I think he’s got amazing potential to help us in creating sustainable development jobs!

sustainable development jobs

Sustainable travel… what is it? Responsible tourism… what does that even mean? Creating sustainable development jobs… is it really that crazy of an idea? I have no intention or lofty goal to try and attempt to explain this in totality, but if I can help change your thinking for your next vacation… that would spell success!

Tourism as it stands today favors mostly… the tourist. It currently pads the pockets of large companies and little goes back into the communities. I’m not here to bash large companies, but I am here to show alternatives to these large cruise ship vacations, all-inclusive resort packages and a “separate ourselves” from the people of the country we are visiting.

Sustainable development jobs is becoming a new concept in the midst of all the noise surrounding travel.

According to Statista, tourism is a 7.6 TRILLION-dollar business! The cruise business itself is a 35.5-billion-dollar industry. These numbers are so large! But what an opportunity to create change! An opportunity to create and develop sustainable tourism jobs! But these cruise ships that come into port, allow for tourists to come in, consume and leave. And although they do have the ability to throw money at the local people, it rarely allows them to produce much of their own products and services. Stifling creativity has the ability to be detrimental.

BUT!

Linen and Latitudes wants to allow local entrepreneurs the opportunity to gain their dignity back. Can you imagine working for someone knowing its barely going to provide for your family, but you have no other option? Can you imagine going into work but having great ideas that you want to create, build, and inspire. Knowing you want to share your part of the world with people but you’re hindered?

Instead you’re getting paid pennies on the dollar!

In our hierarchy of needs, these people may have a minor sense of stability, but what’s next on that list for them? What do they need? If they have food and water? Next they’ll need safety. If safety is met, we then move into a need to belong. Here is an aspect we want to tackle.

sustainable development jobs

I’ve just barely touched on it in some of my other posts. We all need each other. We need community. We need to have opportunities to tell our story.

These people may be meeting their basic needs, but are they thriving in community? Are they able to pursue dreams and goals that give dignity and purpose to life? Some of these people we’ve already introduced to you! If we can put a face to a name it allows us to humanize a location, rather than just making it a place to fulfill only our own needs.

In the next few weeks Linen and Latitudes hopes to break down why responsible travel and sustainable development jobs is so vital to our communities, local and around the world!!

sustainable development jobs

Do you have a time or a place that’s changed your thinking for the better? Something that’s reset your thinking? We would LOVE to hear about it!

Last but not least, have you signed up to receive our FREE SUSTAINABLE TRAVEL CHECKLIST? It has some pretty creative ways you can practically use on your next adventure and help with sustainable development jobs!

Email Address